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“Isn’t It About Time You Had Another One?” — A Second Child Rant

“Isn’t It About Time You Had Another One?” — A Second Child Rant

I’m not sure when it became anyone’s business about the future activities of my womb and if it’s going to house second child, but if I had a pound for every time someone has asked me this in the last year or so, I could give up my job.

I appreciate questions around motherhood, or being a working mum, or how my son is getting on at school. They’re current. That’s where we’re at. And I love being his mum. Persistence around the whereabouts of baby number two in the future was almost sweet at first, but after a while hearing “When are you popping another one out then?” becomes an annoyance. I’m happy to share that I’d love another baby one day. But people wanting to know when? It’s an intimate, private and personal topic, that not just anyone is going to be privy to.

Having a Second Child

The continuous interrogation started when B turned two or three, but with every milestone over the last year— applying for school; accepting a place; his fourth birthday; starting school; and now approaching the fifth anniversary of his escape from my womb— I’ve had “Isn’t it about time you had another one?” or “When’s baby number two going to happen then?” or my personal favourite, “Ooh, you’d better have a second one soon! You don’t want a huge gap!” ringing in my ears, from the mouths of acquaintances. Not family or close friends. Acquaintances.

It’s on par with people touching your baby bump when you’re pregnant without asking. It’s so intrusive and assuming, and potentially applies a lot of unwanted pressure on a situation that may already be stressful for some couples. People assume you don’t want a gap over five years between your children. They assume you are able to conceive, because you’ve already had one child. They assume you even want a second child! That’s not to say any of those things do or don’t apply to me, but as a couple, we have our plan and that’s it. It’s our plan. If and when we decide to create new life, it will be shared!

People’s obsession with knowing stuff

It all starts when you reach a milestone with your partner, be it a long time together or engagement, marriage, or moving in to your own place. People assume the pitter-patter of tiny feet is on the cards. Once a smoker, but decided to give up? Must be pregnant. Not drinking on a night out, because you’re driving home? Don’t lie, you must be pregnant! Throwing up because you’ve caught a stomach bug? No no, that must be morning sickness.

Having a second child is not a race nor a competition. For some couples, it’s not what they want. For others, they want it but they can’t. So next time you see a mother with a toddler on her hip or holding the hand of a preschooler, don’t make assumptions about the plans for the future of her family.

The whispers of, “I wonder when they’ll have a baby?” started before I’d even taken my wedding dress off!

Mummy Dates and The Work/Life Balance Saga

Mummy Dates and The Work/Life Balance Saga

In September last year, B started school and a week later, I went back to working full-time. At the end of a busy week of school runs and learning to read, the weekend is very much welcomed for us both! It’s refreshing to spend time together that doesn’t involve a battle to get dressed or teeth brushed. Those precious weekend days can be as slow, fast, adventurous or as lazy as you like.

However, it’s also my time to catch up on things that I haven’t had a chance to do during the rest of the week. Think washing school uniform, tidying up or other boring errands. I’m a bit of a stickler for housework these days, it’s true. That’s something my teenage-self would laugh at while tripping over my floordrobe. Even when I started living with my husband at age twenty-two, we’d let our flat slip into disarray all too often. Pregnancy completely changed me though and I’ve never grown out of that cursed nesting phase!

“A place for everything, everything in it’s place.” — Benjamin Franklin

I don’t live in a show home by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, there’s two loads of clean washing sitting on my dining room table right now, waiting to be put away! But I do find it really hard to get on with my day, if I know our home isn’t in the best shape. I can’t relax knowing that the kitchen’s in a state or my son’s sprayed the bathroom sink with his toothpaste. This is the year I need to let go though and find a happy medium, so I can spend more quality time with my boy (before he becomes too cool to hang out with his mum.)

A coffee date

Last Saturday was a horrible, dark, rainy day so we didn’t get much further than Costa. Luckily, it’s one of B’s favourite past times though. We had cheese toasties, hot drinks and sweet treats and caught up on his week at school. We chatted a lot about ‘Home Alone’ and recited all of the things Kevin does to the ‘baddies’. There were cuddles on the sofa and snuggles under the blanket when we got home. He hasn’t quite managed to shrug off Christmas, so we watched festive favourite ‘Home Alone 2’ too. And then, before bedtime he told me, “You’re the best Mummy I’ve ever had. I love you all the way to Jupiter.” It doesn’t get much better than that, does it?

So, it doesn’t always have to be wild, adventurous days. Sometimes a coffee with your son and his best teddy, is the key to being the best mum in the world.

This post was inspired by Louise Pentland’s Mummy Dates Project 2017. If you’re a mumma, you should join in too!