Advice: A Friend Dilemma

A few days ago, I received this email:

Dear Aimee Marie

At the moment, I’m having a bit of a friend dilemma. Throughout high school & college, I always had different groups of friends that I’d drift between, but I never really felt I was a permanent fixture of either group. At the end of high school, I got together with my boyfriend & we’ve been together ever since (5 years now!), so a lot of my efforts went into time with him & I grew apart from the rest of my friends. It took some time, but I’ve now found a lovely group where I felt I belonged, until recently. 2 out of the 6 of us have become really good friends & I always feel like they’re making plans right in my face, without inviting me or giving me a second thought. They only appear to ring me when they’re bored & it makes me feel like crap! What can I do so I don’t end up repeating my past?

Rachel

Rachel, girl, we have all been in your situation before! I too have drifted in & out of different circles of friends, which I think has helped me become the person I am– turn this into a positive situation for yourself & gather all the good & bad things you’ve learned from all the people in your past & let it shape your future for the better.

It’s understandable that you would have spent a lot of time with your boyfriend at the beginning of your relationship, but now that you’re settled, you need to make sure you both have time for your friends, as well as each other. It’s inevitable that some people get along better than others, so you can’t blame your two friends for spending a lot of time with each other, however you can try & make them aware of how their behaviour is making you feel. Try inviting them out with you, or plan a big trip with all six of your friends, so you can have some valuable girly-bonding time! Sleepovers, ice-cream, makeovers & face-masks– the works!

If things still aren’t going the way you’d like them to, it is something you’ll have to accept. I’m sure they’re not purposely only calling on you when they have nothing else to do, but not everyone can be best friends. Perhaps you have more in common with another one of your friends? Try & spend quality time with them? Whatever you do though, don’t continually say “no” when they do invite you out, or else they might stop calling altogether. This is a battle of feelings (I want friends!) vs. morals (I don’t want to be used!), which unfortunately, only you can work out. Just remember though, there are plenty more beautiful people out their who will appreciate you, so growing apart from people is not always the end of the world!

Related posts: